To any woman who has experienced a husband who’s cheated on her, my strongest suggestion is to get professional help. The emotional volatility of an affair makes it very hard for spouses to discuss it properly and move on without the assistance of a trained, objective third person. Please don’t use the following guidelines as an alternative to proper psychotherapy but rather as an aid to recreating your relationship.

There are two key ingredients that must be present to properly heal a marriage after an affair:

1. A remorseful spouse. When the spouse who has had an affair doesn’t fault himself, there’s little point in going further. How can the betrayed partner open up emotionally and become vulnerable to a spouse who doesn’t feel he’s done anything wrong? Sometimes he might say, “But the marriage was so awful ...“ The answer is that he should have sought help from a therapist or clergyman, or maybe he should have divorced first. Even that would have made this a different scenario. But to blame cheating on anything else other than his own selfish indulgences will leave you completely distrustful and on such constant alert that you’ll never want to sleep with him again.
2. The certainty that it’s over. The pain can’t begin to heal when your husband is still involved with someone else. Nor can a healthy return to marriage begin. The first issue is helping your straying husband find the motivation and understanding to commit to fully returning to the marriage. This is not always so simple. Many men have fallen in love with a different woman, and even though they say they’d like to make it work with their wives, they feel stuck because they still need the other woman. There is an understandable issue here. If he hasn’t already broken it off with the other woman, he might be willing to for the sake of the marriage but he might feel quite sad for some time as he gets “over her. “This can be a constant reminder to an already struggling wife. But if it is truly over and he is truly remorseful, it is worth giving it time for him to deal with his sadness and find a renewed, healthier relationship with you.

But if he remains in the least bit involved with the other woman (even just phone calls, still working on projects together at work, “friendly “coffee), then it just ain’t over. I never ask any woman in my office to put any effort into connecting with her husband if I know that he is still in some way actively involved with the woman with whom he cheated. How can I ask her to jump hurdles and keep hope and faith without a firm active commitment from her husband? I’m all for one person leading the way but this is not possible under those circumstances. The extramarital relationship must end — physically, emotionally, and sexually.

(From pages 194-196 of The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It by M. Gary Neuman)

This morning I found the marriage record of Narcissus Edwards (my 2nd Great Grandmother) to John T. Hoover, her first husband. Score! I knew she was a Hoover, but had no idea what his first name was. And with the entry of her marriage record I am now only 60 sources from my goal of 3000 sources. I have been adding a lot of new marriages this last week.

How are you coming on your genealogy challenge? Are you making progress? Did you start, it's not too late you know. Come join me and let me know how your progressing. This is fun!

When Reader’s Digest asked women when they feel sexiest, they said it was when they weighed less than they do now. In fact, 80% said that losing weight would improve their sex life.

Well, isn't that great. Here we want sex, but don't really want it because most positions aren't flattering and quite honestly we want to feel 'skinny'. Which usually means, not after a huge meal, not during a bloated day, not after a tired day, not after eating chocolate to cope with a bad day..so basically once a month we'll feel sexy, skinny, and horny. AWESOME!

Don't fret, men are feeling the same way that women are about their bodies as well. According to the article "Sex and Weight Loss"

In our survey, 35% of men said they would love to have a body like Brad Pitt’s in the film Troy.

Men showed their own insecurities. A whopping 70% thought a slimmer waistline would lead to better sex, and 42% said they would go shirtless only in front of their partner.

It is interesting because what's happening is that women are equating their ability to enjoy sex with being and/or feeling skinny and this mentality is in part rubbing off on men (no pun intended).

When it comes to sex, though, what do we know in regards to what is actually going on? There's one aspect of people reporting that they would like to feel this or that, or look like this or that, but are they having sex?

Despite idealised images, men don’t really expect (or even want) their own wives or girlfriends to be supermodel-thin. And women aren’t looking for Brad Pitt in their beds. Yes, overweight people are having good sex. They know what researchers and scientists are beginning to uncover: a great sexual experience comes mostly from our minds, not from perfectly proportioned bodies.

We are all buying into the Brad Pitts, Heidi Klums (yes she is gorgeous)..but honestly it's how we feel inside.

the biggest improvement in their sex lives came when they had lost just 10% of their body weight.

What’s more, having meaningful sex induces the release of the hormone oxytocin. “It makes a person feel love and empathy,” says heart surgeon Mehmet Oz, co-author of the You series of health books. “Meaningful sex can also lower blood pressure,” he continues, “and it tells the gut not to send signals to the brain to eat.”

There's a bit to digest here and quite honestly every survey is going to have different insights into what causes people's sex drives to increase and decrease. But what is interesting is that sex within a committed, mentally stable, affectionate and supportive relationship can actually provide the spark to get the weight removed. BUT, a women (or man) has to mentally feel as though they are attractive to their partner, regardless of size, in order to have healthy sex.

So, let go of the baggage that we all carry in our minds about what we should and shouldn't be. What we should be is healthy. Healthy in what we eat, healthy in how we exercise, healthy in how we are in relationships and healthy in our sex lives. It's takes a lot to be aware and discuss the 'health' level of our own personal and relational lives. But it's worth it. Hey, you might even lose more while getting more..WINNER!

~M

I floated the theory that possibly this had happened to Obama? And then we found the back up on his Kenyan father for this.

So let's go way back into the pre-verbal and verbal wounds and take a look at context in terms of the mother and grandmother and use some more examples...

Barack Obama: Mother not just a girl from Kansas

We can look at this as a case of the "rebellious" mother, going up against father (who wanted a boy) and doing a very brave thing for the times (early 60's) by choosing a Kenyan man for a lover. We can use the movie "Guess Who's coming to Dinner" to view what this looked like back in 1967. It's going to show you what the times looked like, and also how the parents came to terms with what their children were doing. The place I have linked this video has the whole film broken into parts, and it looks like they are using it as a teaching device. Here is the opening of that film:

We want to get a sense of the times, and how interracial marriage was viewed during the Civil Rights era, and for that we can look into the wikipedia, because this was a "brand new thing" for most mainstream Americans. Here is an article excerpt from the wiki linked above:

"...Myrdal ranked the social areas where restrictions were imposed by Southern whites on the freedom of African-Americans through racial segregation from the least to the most important: jobs, courts and police, politics, basic public facilities, "social equality" including dancing and handshaking, and most importantly, marriage. This ranking was indeed reflective of the way in which the barriers against desegregation fell under the pressure of the protests of the emerging Civil Rights movement. First legal segregation in the army, in education and in basic public services fell, then restrictions on the voting rights of African-Americans were lifted. These victories were ensured by the Civil Rights Act of 1964. But the bans on interracial marriage were the last to go, in 1967.

Most white Americans in the 1950s were opposed to interracial marriage and did not see laws banning interracial marriage as an affront to the principles of American democracy. A 1958 Gallup poll showed that 96 percent of white Americans dissapproved of interracial marriage. However, attitudes towards bans on interracial marriage quickly changed in the 1960s.

By the 1960s, civil rights organisations were helping interracial couples who were being penalized for their relationships to take their cases to the Supreme Court. Since Pace v. Alabama, the court had declined to make a judgment in such cases. But in 1964, the Warren Court decided to issue a ruling in the case of an interracial couple from Florida who had been convicted because they had cohabited. In McLaughlin v. Florida, the Supreme Court ruled that the Florida state law which prohibited cohabitation between whites and non-whites was unconstitutional and based solely on a policy of racial discrimination..."

The links will help you understand the sort of rebellion against their parents kids of the 60's were doing! The Clintons grew up during this period, as well. They were fresh out of college and filled with the ideas the 60's had about "changing the world."

The struggle Obama's parents faced is mirrored in this article off the Tribune above. It's much the same as the movie "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner." Parents on both sides had to come to terms with what their children are doing, whether they liked it or not. The tail end "Baby Boom" generation is full of kids whose parents were like the people in the film.

It's my sense that these kids have similar searches for "self." In a way, they have had to come to terms with their parent's decisions. Their lives have been informed by the quest to see where they fit?

Even by the late 1970's my best friend's first steady boyfriend had very dark skin.

She told me that people would "look at them funny" when they were out in public together. Here in California, we were more used to seeing couples like this? My sense is that you would have in the bigger East and West coast "liberal" cities.

So, let's take a look at the parents from that article off the Trib above. Here is the mother, Ann...

"...She was not a standard-issue girl of her times. ... She wasn't part of the matched-sweater-set crowd," said Wall, a classmate and retired philosophy teacher who used to make after-school runs to Seattle with Dunham to sit and talk -- for hours and hours -- in coffee shops.

"She touted herself as an atheist, and it was something she'd read about and could argue," said Maxine Box, who was Dunham's best friend in high school. "She was always challenging and arguing and comparing. She was already thinking about things that the rest of us hadn't."

The education of Obama the would-be politician didn't begin, of course, until after his birth in 1961, in Honolulu. But the parental traits that would mold him -- a contrarian worldview, an initial rejection of organized religion, a questioning nature -- were already taking shape years earlier in the nomadic and sometimes tempestuous Dunham family, where the only child was a curious and precocious daughter of a father who wanted a boy so badly that he named her Stanley -- after himself..."

We are getting a sense of who "she" is, as rebel against the social norms...

(cont.)

Zuma weighed 3.9kg.
"Mother, baby and family are all happy and healthy." said a rep for Gwen and Gavin Rossdale.

The happiest actually turned out to be Zuma's elder brother, Kingston.
He was spotted racing his dad to the birthing suite at the LA Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, yelling "Run daddy run!"

Many congrats to Gavin, Gwen and Kingston Rossdale.

-xoxo-

And then, recently I received a comment on this same post that got me thinking. "The real fact" mentioned how he/she had little sympathy for women who got themselves cheated on in the first place. Because, I infer, he/she feels women sometimes marry men based on superficial reasons like good looks, race and what not.

And that made me really stop and ponder for a moment. I did leave a reply for it. But it made me think. Who would I blame in this situation. In the first place I wouldn't want anyone to be blamed. Your marriage is in shambles and it would be silly to pinpoint a person and blame them for it.

Being an outsider, it was easy for me to blame everyone associated with the scenerio. Which is what I did in my reply. The man, the new wife and the ex-wife, all of them are to be blamed. With that case, I guess, yes The real fact was right. Maybe the ex-wife did look for superficial qualities in men.

As I reflected with my reply, I realised I didn't really enjoy blaming a party in that particular case. Its done, they dealt with it and they are moving on.

BUT it gave me an idea on a new post. Do women really marry men based on superficial reasonings?

Like in my reply, I don't think its necessarily bad for someone to look for a person who is decent looking. And if the person has a good personality as well, its perfect. And I believe it applies to both genders. I have seen many men who look for superficial qualities in women too. But the word decent here is subjective, what is decent to me could be extremely attractive to someone or an average joe to someone else. Not that there is anything wrong in being in either too handsome or gorgeous or being an average joe.

If you look into our history, when matchmaking was prevalent, women were blindly married off to men who may/may not look good. They didn't really marry out of love, or attraction but they did so out of filial piety. And it was rather silly during those times, because it seemed to me that women were married to men who were financially suitable for each other. Its silly because, finance isn't a matter taken seriously nowadays. I wouldn't be suprised though if the dowry system is still being practiced in certain countries.

But ofcourse, even back then, Love Marriages did occur. But not just as often as arranged marriages.

So based on the past, I would say Women could marry any man. I don't really think they married because a guy was handsome or if he was of a superior race or even money. Because often its difficult for parents of a daughter to afford a rich son-in-law. But these are generalisations here, not the absolute truth. They married because their family asked them to. Afterall it was seen as a duty for a lady to be married at a certain age and start carrying on the newly adopted family name.

But at the same time, Men in the past, based on history and what not have had a long history of promiscuity.In some religions, polygamy is accepted. Man can have more than one wife. Well....Elizabeth Taylor has had far too many husbands and has divorce far too many times too. So, maybe there were women too who had more than one husband. But you rarely hear about them. So really if someone said, men were scum, I wouldn't be suprised. But here is someone saying many women look for superficial characteristics.

It is with globalisation and growing feministic values and ideas that came the idea of women choosing husbands, women looking for their ideal partner.

There was a time, men chose their brides. It was not long ago, maybe 20-30 yrs ago when women, especially in Asia which I base most of my theories and ideas on had to attend matchmaking sessions. And I dare say, some still do. And often they don't really have a say. What happens is a string of guys, meet girls. And the guys usually have the upper hand. They can complain or decline a girl. And usually the girl's family will keep trying and look for someone else. Until a match occurs. Sometimes these families look at astrology, the stars must align.

But the world is evolving isn't it? Love marriages is far more common now than arranged marriage. In fact, arranged marriages rarely occur. And maybe with this ideology comes the issue of choosing partners with qualities.

What is wrong in women or men for that matter looking for wifes or husbands that look good, maybe earn well and is healthy. Ofcourse, you will have the people on the extreme end of the spectrum where they choose partners who are the best in everything. And maybe they don't deem good character as an ideal quality in partners. But don't be too harsh on women or men for the matter. There are people who do look for good character. Personally, I know of two girl-friends who have partners that just don't really suit them on picture, their boyfriends are fat and they don't look that appealing to the eyes next to them and these girls are pretty and could really do so much better. But the guys are just so friendly and down to earth. They are the sort who have such great character and personality, I can't really imagine the girls without them.

When it comes to cheating on married husbands and wives, it depends.

Women who know their husbands cheat and still stick by them are so silly, because it does far more damage than any good for anyone. But how about the women who are oblivious, how about women who don't care how their husbands look like and have a horrible personality, when they get cheated on, do they deserve it? I don't think so.

If you read The Kite Runner,(I love this book by the way!) you will read about how stealing is by far the worst sin ever. Because you're robbing someone else's chance. Adultery/Cheating is stealing. The other woman is robbing a family of a husband/father. How could it be justifiable for a woman to commit adultery? If you want to blame someone, it would be the other woman.

But if that is the case, oh dear!, its still women isn't it? The cause for adultery. Just not the women who get cheated but never the less, women.

I have no idea where this entry is heading, so I will leave it here for now. If its any consolation The Real Fact, not everyone look for superficial qualities in partners. Many, maybe. But not all. And a Divorce is painful. Whether it occurs to someone who deserves it, or not, its still painful.

ps: I read at this person's website, I can't give you the links for I can't remember it, I was web hopping. But in this website, apparently there was a poll done on Indian women in India and they preferred White Men to men of their own race. So maybe this could be true. I am looking for this article. If I find it, I will add the links here.

pps: But ofcourse, we need one for ourselves, a poll I mean. In S'pore/Malaysia. Though I do suspect the results may be the same. It would be good to know if we deferred in opinion.

Read the full story in The Guardian

Ellen Degeneres and Portia Rossi got married yesterday after four years together. Same sex marriage was only legalised in California in May. Some has claimed it undermines the instituition of marriage, but- oh look at them, aren't they so happy and in love? God Made the Rainbow wishes them all the best in their newly wedded life.

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Ordering a birth certificate online

Whether your looking for genealogy purposes or your own official certificate, ordering certificate couldn't be easier. You can now order your birth certificate online securely and easily.

Depending on the year of birth the following information is needed for births registered in England, Wales and Scotland.
- Your full name at birth
- Your Date of birth
- Place of birth
- Your parents name at birth

For certificates where the event took place more that 50 years ago the parents name are not needed, you will also only need the year of birth (or a three year period) and the place doesn't need to be exact.

All birth certificates supplied by GOV-CERTIFICATES are full and official certificates.
- Full meaning, all details including parents name (if registered) are displayed.
- Official meaning, the certificates are taken from the original microfiche that was registered at the time of birth. This also means that these certificates are from government official registry offices, and can be used for all official uses like applying for a passport.

Birth certificate

GOV-CERTIFICATES - pricing

Certificates on standard service are now from £17.00 only.

Normally dispatched within 10-12 working days.

If your birth was registered in the UK but the birth took place abroad please order as normal and enter in the notes "Overseas".

Dependant on the year registered the full certificate will include the following. You will need to obtain a full copy for many reasons.

• Birth name
• Date and time of birth
• Sex of the child
• Place and/or location of birth
• Names of the parents of the child
• Occupations of parents of the child
• Birth weight and length
• Name of informant registering the birth
• Date of registration of birth
• A birth registration number or file number

The actual certificate is usually stored with some government office, although the parents of the child and later the child itself are authorized to obtain certified copies or representations of the original birth certificate, which can be used to apply for government benefits, such as passports. The certificate is stamped or signed by the registrar or other custodian of birth records, who is commissioned by the government.

To obtain a birth certificate goto gov-certificates.co.uk

From our selection of register available to us we are able to to trace your general registration reference identities we are able to supply you with birth death or marriage certificates registered in England wales and Scotland registered since 1837

For Recent events registered within the past 18 months application should be made to the registrar where the event took place

On these pages is the simple information on how to obtain a birth or death certificate In England and Wales On how to and where to go for information about getting Married or how to Register a civil Partnership, Obtaining a Birth Marriage, Death certificate or civil partnership certificate Please note here at gov-certificates.co.uk we can help you to trace you’re ancestors and supply you with information on any of the above events and to order on your behalf theBirth Marriage and Death certificates you may require

ORDERING BIRTH CERTIFICATES

 How to order a birth, marriages or death certificates in England and Wales; how to go about getting married;

Whilst we can source and supply to you information for England and Wales also for certain information on Scottish Registration we are not currently able to offer certificates Northern Ireland

Many local authorities also offer other celebratory services including: naming ceremonies, renewal of vows, commitment ceremonies and civil funerals. For further information please contact your local register office in the area for which the event is registered or where you wish the event to take place

more on how to obtain a birth, marriage or death certificate

Great news the fantastic series "Who do you think you are?" Is back on the BBC.

If you haven't seen this before Who do you think you are? is a genealogy program on the BBC where experts look in the family history of some of the UK's top stars.

This years Series (Series 5) starts by looking into the family of Patsy Kensit.

Patsy Kensit looks into her family's criminal past in London's gangland.

This is a great program for beginners and pros in the genealogy world a like. With great explainations on how to start up on building your family tree.

Useful websites :

GOV-CERTIFICATES - For certificates
Birth certificates
Marriage certificate
Death certificates
Findmypast

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007t575/comingup

Randy Orton recently spoke with Stunt Granny's favorite United Kingdom sports news channel, Sky Sports News, where he declared himself medically cleared by the doctors and rarin' for a return to the squared circle. In that interview, he also spoke about his new baby daughter and how hard it was to leave her behind while he road tripped to the UK.

This interview was like a "how to" guide for all the dumb crap things that wrestlers can do. Seriously, no wrestler in the world should ever get married, let alone have children. You know which wrestler should be allowed to get married? Steve Richards. Steve Richards gets paid six digits to sit at home 98 percent of the year. Steve Richards should have three wives. He's the freaking man.

But yeah, we give it three months. Whether that's the duration of his marriage or the length of time he wrestles before getting hurt again is entirely up to the reader. - Dusty

In an Aug. 1 letter to a Boston-based homosexual rights group, the Family Equality Council, Obama specifically pledged to use the presidency to overturn DOMA - and pledged his support for homosexual "families" and efforts to totally redefine marriage.
 
He wrote: "... (W)e also have to do more to support and strengthen LGBT (Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgendered) families. Because equality in relationship, family, and adoption rights is not some abstract principle; it's about whether millions of LGBT Americans can finally live lives marked by dignity and freedom.
 
"That's why we have to repeal laws like the Defense of Marriage Act. That's why we have to eliminate discrimination against LGBT families. And that's why we have to extend equal treatment in our family and adoption laws," Obama wrote.
 
"I'll be a president that stands up for American families - all of them," he added.
 
Jennifer Chrisler, executive director of the Family Equality Council, told CNSNews.com that she sent identical letters to both Obama and to Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), the expected Republican presidential candidate. Only Obama has responded, thus far.
 
"It basically asked both candidates to outline what policies they would put into place to help uplift and protect all kinds of families in the United States of America, including those headed by gay and lesbian folks," she said.
 
The letter to Chisler's group, however, is remarkably similar to a letter he sent in July to the Alice B. Toklas Democratic Club. In it, Obama said:
 
"As the Democratic nominee for President, I am proud to join with and support the LGBT community in an effort to set our nation on a course that recognizes LGBT Americans with full equality under the law," Obama wrote.
 
"That is why I support extending fully equal rights and benefits to same-sex couples under both state and federal law. That is why I support repealing the Defense of Marriage Act and the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy, and the passage of laws to protect LGBT Americans from hate crimes and employment discrimination."
 
Obama also wrote that he supports "extending fully equal rights and benefits to same-sex couples under both state and federal law" - and called for repeal of DOMA and the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
 
He also proclaimed his opposition to "the passage of laws to protect LGBT Americans from hate crimes and employment discrimination" and added that he opposes "the divisive and discriminatory efforts to amend the California Constitution, and similar efforts to amend the U.S. Constitution or those of other states."
 
(The California amendment to which Obama referred is on the ballot this fall and would prohibit same-sex marriage in the state.)
 
Obama concluded: "Finally, I want to congratulate all of you who have shown your love for each other by getting married these last few weeks."
 
In February, meanwhile, the Obama campaign took out similar-sounding ads in homosexual newspapers in Ohio and Texas, saying: "As your President, I will use the bully pulpit to urge states to treat same-sex couples with full equality in their family and adoption laws.
 
"I personally believe that civil unions represent the best way to secure that equal treatment. But I also believe that the federal government should not stand in the way of states that want to decide on their own how best to pursue equality for gay and lesbian couples - whether that means a domestic partnership, a civil union, or a civil marriage."
 
Obama: wink and nod support for same-sex marriage?
 
Conservative and pro-traditional marriage groups say when you consider Obama's recent pronouncements, it is now possible to connect the dots, and Obama's position on same-sex marriage is becoming clear.
 
"This is the first time that you have had a major presidential candidate voicing his support for same-sex marriage," said Tom McClusky, vice president of government affairs at the Family Research Council.  
 
"This letter is congratulating those who have gotten married, despite the fact that he has said in the past that he opposes same-sex marriage, so to me this is clear support for same-sex marriage," McClusky said.
 
"Repeal of DOMA has been a mainstay of the Democratic leadership in Congress since they took over," McClusky said.
 
"Nancy Pelosi supports it, of course Barney Frank does. Both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton said this when they debated at the Logo debate in the primary. Here though, he is crossing the line and saying that he supports same-sex marriage," he added.
 
McClusky said there's a world of difference between saying, "I support families" and "I'm going to fight for same-sex couples, oppose DOMA as president, oppose efforts to stop the redefinition of marriage and press for adoption for homosexual couples."
 
"It's a huge difference," McClusky said. "You didn't get John Kerry saying anything like that in his statement concerning same-sex marriage in 2004. This really is the first time that you have a presidential candidate who has pledged to fight for all of these issues." 
 
Matt Barber, director of cultural affairs for Liberty Counsel, agreed that Obama's position is now clear - even if it's being done with a wink and nod.
 
"Barack Obama, in the past, has been unclear about whether he supports same-sex marriage - I think this statement sews up any loose ends," Barber said. "There's no question that he is now the first presidential candidate to come out in support of same-sex marriage."
 
Barber, however, said the Democratic candidate gives every appearance of supporting the full homosexual political agenda.
 
"He essentially has bought the homosexual agenda hook, line, and sinker and has promised to push it whole-heartedly - to use the full weight of the office of the presidency to push the homosexual activist wish-list," Barber told CNSNews.com
 
"He has whole heartedly stepped behind the notion of same-sex marriage, homosexual adoption, ENDA - the employment nondiscrimination act, hate crimes legislation - all of these things that, if they were implanted, would take away religious liberties and freedom of speech and the traditional values upon which our nation was founded," Barber said.
 
Chrisler, whose organization advocates for families headed by lesbians, homosexual men, bisexuals, and transgendered people, said homosexual activists are pleased to hear of Obama's support.
 
"I am pleased that Sen. Obama continues to articulate a vision for families in this country that promotes fairness and equality," Chrisler said. "I think it is important that all families, regardless of how they were created, have the protections they need in order to make sure their children grow healthy and strong."
 
The Obama campaign did not respond to a request for an interview on the letters, or his position, prior to press time - except in an automatically generated e-mail that promised to "touch base with you as soon as we have an update."
 
Calls to the McCain campaign were also not returned prior to press time.

Source: CNS

This trend however appears to be reversing, the number of working mothers is on the increase due to a number of factors, mainly economic and social. Mrs. X is a banker, and is married with a kid. She runs an almost Spartan domestic regimen, at 4 .00 am she’s up and has thirty minutes to complete her household chores. She is expected at her desk at 7.15am but then she has to make a quick stopover at a day care center at 6.50 to drop her child, leaving her with barely half an hour to make a dash for her office. But then she has very little to choose from. Her income is twice that of her husband’s so it makes every sense to continue. Worse still is that she closes late in the evening and at best picks up her sleeping child from the day care center at 10 pm. When asked what role her hubby played in this domestic saga she was not forthcoming apparently his lack of support was getting to her. But then she isn’t alone in this quagmire, more and more women are becoming pseudo bread-winners perhaps a sign that deeply entrenched socio-cultural patterns are fast changing.

 The gains for Mrs. X and several other career women are ironic; a gradually disintegrating well knit family set-up. I am not advocating a return to the past were full time housewives reigned supreme rather I speak of a tricky balance act between providing support for the family and working. The African career woman today cannot afford to make the same mistakes of the western world, where growing feminism has led to rapid increase in the number of failed marriages and dysfunctional homes.

It is indeed difficult to see where this leaves us In the final analysis, having finally addressed the ghosts of a disadvantaged economic profile, the African career woman has herself to blame if she fails on the home front.  The recent gains should be consolidated; more women working should translate to more meals on the table, better economic security and more respect for the women folk by the men

Juliet, CONNECTAFRICA

Legal Marriage and Forced Marriages

A man in Islam can have four concurrent wives, though a woman is denied more than one husband.  In most Western nations, polygamy is illegal, but Britain allows tax-payers' money to subsidize welfare benefits for polygamous Muslims' extra wives.

Sheikh Ahmad Nutty of the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, writes: "The stated requirements of marriage in Islam are as follows: Full consent of both partners to the marriage, expressing the above consent through ijab (offer) and qabul (acceptance), finally the presence of two reliable witnesses. Apart from the above, in the case of females, their guardian's consent has been considered essential for the validity of marriage according to the majority of imams and scholars. Imam Abu Hanifah, however, is of the view that a mature woman is fully capable of contracting her own marriage. Thus in his view, marriages finalized without guardian's consent shall be considered as valid so long the woman has chosen someone who is considered as compatible."

The fact that a young woman has to have the consent of her guardian, or Wali, indicates that the woman is not really a free agent and cannot readily marry someone of her own choosing.  In Malaysia last year, a 22-year old woman who had married a 32-year old man and was five months' pregnant, was taken to an Islamic court by her father.  He claimed that, being her Wali, he was not consulted before the marriage.  The Islamic court annulled the marriage.

There are other bizarre variations on standard marriage, including "temporary marriages" called mut'ah and misyar.  Misyar is a Sunni custom and it became legitimized in Egypt in the early 19th century.  Ibn Baaz, the Salafi Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia from 1993-9 made a fatwa sanctioning misyar, expecting it to make it easier for wealthy single women to get married.  Traditionally, a Muslim husband presents his bride with a dowry or mahr, and misyar dispenses with this requirement.  In misyar marriage the couple does not live together, but makes nuptial visits to each other.

On April 12, 2006 the Islamic Jurisprudence Assembly in Mecca gave its approval for such unions.  Misyar marriages are becoming common in Saudi Arabia, with some Saudi marriage officials claiming that 7 out of 10 of their contracts are misyar arrangements.  Misyar is a temporary marriage, but can be extended to become full marriage.  It does not have a fixed time in which it must end, like Mut'ah marriage.

Some traveling Muslims use temporary marriages to engage in sex tourism 'Islamically".  Last June, Indonesia's vice president, Jusuf Kalla quipped that he saw nothing wrong with Arab men engaging in "temporary marriages" with Indonesian women.  In August 2006 five Saudis were deported from an Indonesian resort for engaging in temporary marriages with local women.

Mut'ah marriage can be engaged in for as little as a few hours, with the man paying the "bride" for this contract.  Mut'ah is illegal in Saudi Arabia, but is allowed in Iran, where it is called sighe. Iranian sociologist Amanollah Gharaii Moghaddam has said of such marriages: "Short-term marriages are a form of legalized prostitution.  A state must not and cannot legitimize prostitution."

Such a marriage appears to be sanctioned in the Koran, Sura 4:24, where it is written: "Also married women (are forbidden to you in marriage), except those whom you own as slaves. Such is the decree of God. All women other than these are lawful for you, provided you court them with your wealth in modest conduct, not in fornication. Give them their dowry for the enjoyment you have had of them as a duty; but it shall be no offense for you to make any other agreement among yourselves after you have fulfilled your duty. Surely God is all-knowing and wise."

Mut'ah is also, since the fall of Saddam Hussein, permitted in Iraq.  It is allowed in Bahrain, where it has been condemned by women's rights activist Ghada Jamshir.  Ms Jamshir said on Al-Arabiya TV: "This is a violation of children's rights! This constitutes sexual assault of the girl. What does 'pleasure from sexual contact with her thighs' mean? It means deriving sexual pleasure from an infant. How old is an infant? One year, a year and a half, a few months?"

In Singapore, where temporary marriage is illegal, a Muslim businessman convinced several women that such marriages were Islamic.  He fathered 66 children, and also convinced some of his "wives" that it was lawful to have sex with his daughters.  He was sentenced in April 2006 to 32 years' jail and 24 strokes of the cane for raping five of his daughters.

Another bizarre form of Muslim marriage contract is Ash-Shihgar, where a man marries off his daughter to another man, and marries the other man's daughter in exchange.  No "bride-price" (mahr) is paid.  In January 2007 two septuagenarian businessmen from Riyadh married each others' daughters.  The brides were aged 17 and 19.  One of the old men said: "I did not ask my daughter.  I don't have to.  I know what is beneficial for her.  When I told her what I had planned, she was happy.  If she hadn't been, she would have told her mother."

Forced Marriage

After briefly describing some of the ways that marriages can take place in Islam, where a young woman can marry a man only of her guardian's choosing, it is not surprising that forced marriages regularly occur.  In 2001, Syria amended its constitution to outlaw forced marriage.  In Saudi Arabia, forced marriage was made illegal in April 2005.  This resulted from a fatwa issued by Sheikh Abdul Aziz al-Sheikh.  President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan referred to this fatwa to urge Islamists in his country to abandon forced marriages.  In November 2005, Afghan leaders committed themselves to abolishing forced marriage by 2008.

In Afghanistan, the minimum legal age for a male to become married is 18, and for a girl, 16 years.  Despite this, marriages are arranged involving girls far younger than 16.  In October 2006, the Globe & Mail reported that a 13-year old girl, who escaped a forced marriage with a 50-year old man, was placed in jail.  The girl's crime was to have broken the marriage contract, which had been arranged by her father.

In 2004 the UN reported that as many as 57% of marriages in Afghanistan involved girls under 16.  Some were only nine years old.  In 2005, the US State Department quoted the UN special rapporteur on violence against women, who said that "between 60% and 80% of marriages in Afghanistan are forced marriages which give women no right to refuse.  Many of those marriages, especially in the rural areas, involve girls below the age of 15."

In July 2006 the New York Times produced a report on child marriage in Afghanistan, containing startling photographs by Stephanie Sinclair of young girls sitting beside their grizzled, elderly husbands.  When a bride is pre-pubescent, and unable to make a decision on her future, such marriages can only be classed as "forced".  A UN report from 2005 quoted Paul Greening of the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) who said: "Badakhshan [northeastern province] has the highest maternal mortality rate in the country and one of the main reasons is under-age marriages - even as young as seven in some cases. This needs to be addressed."  A midwife at Malalai hospital in Kabul said: "It is a shame to say that even in the capital Kabul we treat pregnant mothers as young as 12 years of age."

In Turkey, forced marriage continues, particularly in the Kurdish communities of the southeast.  A 2004 report stated:  A study in several provinces in east and southeast Turkey found that 45.7 per cent of women were not consulted about their choice of marriage partner and 50.8 per cent were married without their consent. Women forced into marriages are often under age. Those of them who refuse their family's choice of husband risk violence and even death. Men have used forced marriage to evade punishment for sexual assault, rape and abduction. There are also cases in which families, either deliberately or through neglect, fail to ensure that the sale of their daughter to a potential husband does not end up with their daughter being internally trafficked for forced prostitution. In other instances families fail to protect children from sexual exploitation."

On 24 May, 2006, Yakin Erturk, the UN special rapporteur on violence against women, went to Batman and three other cities in southeastern Turkey, to investigate a curious increase in suicides amongst young women in the region.  She later concluded: "I have found that the patriarchal order and the human rights violations that go along with it - for example, forced and early marriages, domestic violence, and denial of reproductive rights - are often key contributing factors."

In the West, forced marriages are becoming increasingly common.  In 2003 in Norway, the authorities moved to dissuade the custom by demanding that foreign marriage partners should be over 23, or capable of supporting a partner.  Last year, a school counselor claimed to be annually contacted by five to six students, who said their studies had to cease because they were being married against their will.

In March 2004 Norway’s immigration minister Ema Solberg launched a campaign to inform all immigrants that forced marriage and female genital mutilation were forbidden under Norwegian law.  In May 2005 two people became the first to be jailed for plotting a forced marriage.  The Kurdish father and brother of a 17-year old girl had planned to make her marry a man from northern Iraq.  Between 1999 and 2004, cases of forced marriage tripled in Norway, with 60 cases in 2003 alone.  In September last year Terje Bjøranger, who advises a government taskforce, claimed that there were 2,000 cases of forced marriage between 2004 and 2006.

Norway was the only country in Europe where forced marriage was illegal until last year.  In March, 2006 Belgium's cabinet approved a move to outlaw forced marriage.  A study from 1999 found that 27% of Turkish and Moroccan women over 40 had been forced into marriage.  Forced marriages affected 13% of Turkish girls aged 17 to 24, and 8% of Moroccan girls of the same age.  The proposed legislation would invoke a jail term from one month to two years, or a maximum fine of between 500 and 2,500 Euros (equivalent to $596 and $2,978 US).  In November 2004, a Belgian senator of Moroccan origin, Mimount Bousakla, was forced to go into hiding, after receiving death threats.  Her crime had been to criticize forced marriages, at a meeting held by the Council of Europe on this subject.

In France in 2003 a report by the government body the High Council of Immigration found that there were 70,000 cases of marriages in the country which had been arranged using force.  A French women's rights group claims that 30,000 forced marriages have taken place in France since 1990.  One arranged marriage which began with apparent consent ended in tragedy.  Samira Bari, a woman brought up in France, had married a man eight years her senior, who had been brought up in southern Morocco.  When Samira refused to have sex with him, he ripped out her eyes, a court heard in March this year.

Many French forced marriages have taken place with young people involved, and as a result in March, 2006 the authorities raised the minimum age of marriage from 15 to 18 years.  One obstacle faced by young women who are not born in France and are subjected to forced marriages is the law itself.  Even if she holds a permit of residence for 10 years' duration, if she is taken to live outside of France for three consecutive years, she loses the right to live in France.

Many marriages amongst Muslims are "arranged" marriages.  In October last year, the Islamists who then ruled Somalia ordered that any marriages conducted without parents' permission were against Islam.  In many cases, it is hard to say where an "arranged marriage" becomes a "forced" marriage.  In Britain, the majority of cases of honor killings have involved victims who rejected arranged marriage, or chose their own partner.  Most British forced marriage cases involve a girl being sent to the Indian subcontinent to become wed to a relative.

In May this year, the Home Office reported that an 11-year old British Muslim girl had been rescued from a forced marriage, which had taken place in Bangladesh.  A more typical case involves three sisters, aged 21, 22 and 15, who in 2000 had been sent to Pakistan, on the pretext of seeing their dying grandmother.  Once there, the girls found that there were three men already arranged to be their husbands.  The sisters were kept as virtual prisoners in their grandmother's house for six months.  Narina Anwar said: "They wanted me to marry my first cousin.  He was 26 and I had not seen him since I was 11. He was uneducated and could not speak English or even write Urdu."  The girls escaped and telephoned the British High Commission who sent people to rescue them.

In 2001 the UK government suggested that it could make forced marriage a crime, but after many deliberations, it is still not illegal.  In 2004, when 200 forced marriage cases were happening each year, the government again announced that it may change the law, and made the same claim in 2005.  On June 6, 2006 the government announced that it had bowed down to Muslim pressure and had abandoned its plans.

The Muslim Council of Britain, co-founded by the Muslim Brotherhood, had argued that such a law would see children giving evidence at their parents' trials.  This happens in abuse cases, and forced marriage is abuse.  The MCB also said such cases would make the Muslim community further "stigmatized".

Sometimes, the threats and pressure involve emotional blackmail.  In 2002, a marriage was annulled in Edinburgh which had taken place when the girl had been 16.  Her mother later admitted that she had threatened to commit suicide to force her daughter into marriage.  The girl had met her "husband" only a week before the wedding.  The husband's mother had wanted her son to gain British citizenship.

In July, 2006 another forced marriage was annulled.  The girl had been taken for a "holiday' in Pakistan, ostensibly to celebrate the end of her school exams.  She was kept in Pakistan in a remote location, and had her passport removed.  Both her parents threatened to commit suicide if she did not marry her cousin.  After some months she relented and, aged 17, married.  The judge in the case, Mr Justice Munby, told the High Court in London: "Forced marriages, whatever the social or cultural imperatives that may be said to justify what remains a distressingly widespread practice, are rightly considered to be as much beyond the pale as such barbarous practices as female genital mutilation and so called 'honor killings'."

In 2004 it was announced that The Council of British Pakistanis Scotland had found that nearly half the marriages between Scottish south Asians and a partner from abroad had involved coercion.  Labour MP Ann Cryer announced that a 15-year old girl from Bradford was "sold" by her father for the sum of $30,000, to pay off his gambling debts.  The girl was due to be sent to Bangladesh to marry a far older man, a friend of her father.  Ms. Cryer said: "The girl is absolutely petrified.  I am terrified the family will put her on a plane within the next few days."

In Scotland, which has its own parliament, it was revealed in one report that in Edinburgh alone, 85 people a year were being forced into marriage.  Malcolm Chisholm, Scottish Communities Minister, suggested that imams and clerics who presided over forced marriage could be jailed for up to five years.  This proposal was never made into law.

In Denmark, there is a law that requires that both partners in a marriage involving someone from abroad must be at least 24 years old.  This law, introduced in 2002, has been claimed by Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen to have reduced cases of forced marriage.  The Danish Immigration Service has guidelines to "root out" suspected cases of forced marriage.  Earlier this month the Danish Social Liberal Party launched a leaflet campaign, aimed at teachers, to help them identify the signs of young people being pressured into forced marriage.

In Germany, a study amongst female Turkish immigrants, conducted in 1996, found that 24% of respondents had been forced into marriage.  ARD, a German national television network, claims that there are 30,000 women who are in forced marriages in Germany.  There are an estimated 3 million Muslims in Germany, mostly from Turkey.  In Austria, where Turks comprise most of the 400,000-strong Muslim community, the figure for women in forced marriages is said to be less than 1,000.  In Germany, women in forced marriages also come from Lebanon, Morocco, Tunisia, Albania, Iran and India.

There is strong opposition to interference with Germany's culture of forced marriage and "honor". Seyran Ates is a Turkish-born woman lawyer, who specializes in defending women trapped in forced marriages or on the receiving end of domestic violence.  She has been fiercely attacked by male relatives of the women she defends, and was once shot by the husband of a woman client.

Seyran Ates has condemned the liberal climate in Germany, where the politically correct turn their backs on what goes on in Muslim communities, and thus ignore the plight of many Muslim women.  She has written: "I want to know, and many thousands of Muslim girls and women have a right to know, why understanding and infinite tolerance is practiced with particular cultural traditions that are clearly oppressive of women. Human rights are universal and unconditional. And that goes most certainly for religious objectives.

It is only girls and women who are forced to wear head-scarves. And it's also a majority of girls and women who are affected by forced marriage. I don't want to enter into the debate about women and schoolgirls who wear the headscarf of their own free will, or about the difference between arranged and forced marriages. Just one note: silence cannot be understood as assent. But very many girls are brought up to be silent on such topics....

...Of course, we mustn't forget the boys and men. They too are affected by these archaic traditions. They are forced to play the man, the protector of morals and family honour. They bear the responsibility for keeping the sexuality of the female members under control. A free, autonomous life, the esteem for a person's individuality is seen to endanger the far more important community feeling, the group identity. In extreme cases, men are turned into murderers because the social system demands this of them. Because otherwise, they cannot live after their honor has been violated. What will become of the Muslims who don't have the personal strength to defend themselves against the community and the clan because of this outmoded tradition? What will become of the little machos who already play the Pascha in kindergarten and grade school?"

In September, 2006 Seyran announced that the constant threats to her life had put her into so much danger she would retire.  She felt that her daughter would be placed at risk.  She received belated support from politicians within her own party, the SPD, and has since returned to defending her women clients.

A 2005 report by the Council of Europe's Directorate of Human Rights makes for grim reading. Even though forced marriage itself is not generally illegal in Europe, there are nonetheless laws against kidnapping and false imprisonment on many country's statute books.  Sadly, these laws are rarely invoked.

Figures on such marriages in the United States and Canada are scarce, but is highly likely that the authorities are not geared up to look for such cases.  In such a laissez-faire climate, as Seyran Ates noted in Germany, this abuse may be more common than the authorities would wish to acknowledge.

In Australia in 2005, tough laws were introduced to prevent young girls being sent abroad to engage in forced marriages.  Many of Australia's Muslims are of Lebanese origin, and a dozen Australian girls under the age of 18 had sought help from the Australian consulate in Beirut. These girls, with one as young as 14, had been taken to Lebanon by their families to engage in forced marriages.  Under Australian law, anyone who forces someone to engage in marriage, even outside the country, can receive a 25 year jail sentence.

Chris Ellison, the Australian Justice Minister, said: "This is an outrageous activity, one we won't tolerate and we're intent on stamping out.  It is an offence to traffic a young person, a juvenile, overseas for sexual servitude, or indeed bondage, and a forced marriage could well constitute that sort of behavior."

Many young people who are made to enter forced marriage are sent to their parent's homelands to be married off against their will.  In Europe, young people have been sent to Afghanistan, Mali, Morocco, Iraq, Pakistan and Turkey.  For British victims of forced marriage, these homelands tend to be India, Bangladesh and Pakistan.  In the latter country, the traditions of marrying off children against their will carry on in full defiance of national law.  What will shock Western readers is the way in which children as young as babies are promised in marriage, often to compensate a family for a crime committed by a male.  Sometimes girls are sold in markets for marriage purposes.

Please do let me know if any of you have leads on these folks. I have been fortunate to be able to find information on the first group of names listed and have enough for a large tree, but know almost nothing about the (possible) interrelatedness of the other couples.

Siblings

Nathaniel Taylor and Charlotte Hayes m. 1870
Daniel McLean Hayes and Caroline Prescod m. 1877
Simeon Hayes and Catherine Jane Taitt m. 1880
Gabriel Hayes and Almina Diana Taitt m. 1884

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Think there is a relationship between this couple and the siblings listed above, but unsure what it is...

Nathaniel Hayes and Nancy Jane Gibson m. 1875

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I cannot prove it on paper yet, but am pretty sure that Almina Taitt listed above and Emma Taitt were sisters. Emma is buried with Almina's children in the Mt. Airy cemetery and seems to have lived in Almina's house for years.

Nathaniel Ford and Emma Rosa Ann Taitt m. 1890

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I'm not sure how this couple are connected to the Marshalls, but do know that one of their sons Elijah Evans Gittens marries Simeon Hayes daughter Helena.

Joseph Gittens and Rebecca Marshall m. 1871

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I don't know whether the bride here is related to the sibling Hayes mentioned above but one of Gabriel Hayes' daughers is names Christiana. Could be a coincidence but could also indicate a relation.

Mingo Bowen Forte and Christiana Hayes m. 1879

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Noah Sealey and Mary Ann Marshall m. 1879
David Campbell Haynes and Sarah Marshall m. 1883
Nathaniel Marshall and Ada Robertson m. 1898
James Taylor and Elizabeth Hayes
James Elcock and Marianna Taitt m. 1885
John Milne Taitt and Lucretia Taitt m. 1886
Joseph Nathaniel Taitt and Alexandrina Mark m. 1887
James Thomas Blades and Henrietta Christiana Gittens m. 1870
James Robert Gittens and Sarah Payne m. 1878
David Taitt and Sophia Otten
Benjamin Alexander Garraway and Alice Elizena Prescod m. 1890
Joseph Massiah Hayes and (Catherine) Jane Walton m. 1888

This topic has been flirting with my mind's nerves since two months and complaining against my ignorance to it like a little puppy..Finally here I am penning oops ;) typing my thoughts over this subject.....

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="279" caption="Cross cultural wedding"][/caption]

India is embracing globalization just like how a newly purchased dress is adorned by a girl with panache and pride. Families are sending their kids to study abroad in wake of increasing competition, reservation systems and less number of colleges. The families bear a proud grin on the face whilst telling the neighbours or the overtly closed extended family members that their son/daughter is studying in US/UK/Australia. They get excited at the prospect of receiving ISD calls and being net savvy courtesy regular video chat sessions on Skype/Yahoo/MSN.  Its not only education thats taking youths abroad...now its the MNCs, the jobs, the software hubs, the research and development tasks that are taking people to beautiful locales of Swiss alps, Gondola ridden Dutch land, adventorous Oz or the fashion capitals of Milan, Rome, London or New York. Right now all my friends are currently abroad-either sudying or working.

One common thing which mothers especially keep telling their sons before boarding the airplane and asking for liquor from the sexy European airhostess is - '''Gori se shaadi karne ka mat sochna'. My mother also told me very strictly when I told her I wanted to pursue my masters from abroad - 'Studies are fine and so is job, but don't ever be friendly with a foreigner.' Her fears were relaxed by my unexpected wedding to a Kiwi based Indian..... and how happy she was (is).

I really don't understand the idea behind this. They say the cultural difference is gonna be huge and there is no security in the wedding as foreigners are known for their records...... :D I say the case is increasing in Indian society as well. Divorce rates are increasing and so are separation rates. Couples are not happy and continuing to live a farce for the sake of family honour. Love is no longer there but family pride prevails at full vigour....then why bugle the cross cultural and global funda????? My take is if we Indians are global enough to adorn the foreign brands and ready to send oour kids abroad for finer education then why not also accept their love interests and give them blessings? When parents get prepared enough  to send them at tender age of 17 or 18 why also they are not prepared enough to understand they are youths and will definitely fall in love......why do they forget the concept of 'Vashudev Kutumbakam' (whole world is one common family).

Well anyways I know my perspective has no relevance in wake of people who are even against inter caste/religion weddings. A few of my close friends are battling out with their parents because either the guy is from some other castes (but a hindu) or simply because he/she is of upper or lower caste. They have decided to forget their love and move ahead in life forgetting all the chemistry they ever had and ready to tie the knot with some girl/boy met randomly through an online matrimonial site. Is that fair- taking life's primal decision based on some horoscopes and 36 guns(traits)??? Is is fair to make two strangers fall deliberately in love and act in front of thousands of people when their heart still aches for the ones they loved? I was damn scared about telling my dad about my husband as he too is from different religion....I never knew how would dad react to this? And he did -he didn't sleep for nights....but he was always open at the option of meeting him and then taking any decision..he met him,liked him and gave his blessings....

Still there are families who won't even consider the option.........they don't even wanna hear the name......I know girls who are getting married late in exchange of good dowry just because their parents couldn't find good match in the community....I know girls who ultimately get married to different communities simply because their parents couldn't find a good match in the same community (the same parents who brag of not marrying their daughters outside caste and twitched their noses to my parents because they did!!!!!!)

I don't know how things will change or simply enough do we Indians actually want it to change or are e happy being ignorant enough of this fact....the parents keep searching a girl for their son while the son stays in a live -in relationship with a foreigner and pretends to care to look at the regular photographs of Indian girls he receives in his email......he sometimes even selects a desi girl and gives a fake date toooo never to return to India..while the girl' family bugles the deal they have got in getting an NRI damaad(son-in law)..

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All the incidents or instances mentioned above are true cases..no names or fake names have been incorporated in order to maintain the privacy of the concerned people.You're welcome to add your thoughts in the comments and also share incidents that  you're aware of.

Legally marrying to multiple partners had always been practiced in the ancient history in different forms. The very idea is still alive in today’s world as well. The idea of marrying multiple partners is known as polygamy in general. Primarily it has two branches, polyandry and polygyne. When a female marries more than one man, it is called polyandry and when a man marries more than one female it is called polygyne.

Polyandry is a type of relation which is less common and has not been approved or preferred as a way of making new family in most of the cultures. In Hindu culture one of their deity known as Dhropati married five brothers known as Pandavs. The biggest issue in this case is about the law making of heritage and one’s own genetic recognition. Moreover, the responsibility to support the new life has to be placed on someone’s shoulders, which in this case will be difficult or can be easily escaped.

On the other hand polygyne is a type of relation which is relatively more common when viewed in comparison with polyandry. Many cultures around the world not only permit the concept but also support its followership. Modern day critics think that this concept doesn’t fulfil the basic requirements of women rights. They say that a woman doesn’t want to share her man and when a man is shared between two or more he is bound to have tilt to any one side, no matter how negligible. Another criticism is that, it makes women feel degraded as if they are some commodity which can be bought and kept. Another one is, one can only love one and cant share his love with more than one.

Now before we become decisive and judgmental about the concept lets look around in the society and see to what all is going in. Do we see married people going to prostitutes, keeping mistresses and having unfair and illicit relations? Can we safely say that it is in the nature of men that they love more than one darlings? I guess yes they can share their love with more than one darlings. Now lets switch over to some statistics, presently global population on the basis of gender is something like 51% women against 49 % men. Now my question is how one man can be in legal nuptial relationship with only one female. The difference of this percentage is rising day by day in favour of women. It simply means that the concept of monogamy will start affecting our societies because sexual desire is just like any other human desire or need, which needs to be fulfilled when it starts to grow. What can be the solution for women who are reaching their marriageable age but can’t get an eligible male bachelor? In a strictly monogamous scenario this sounds impossible. In present day reality, this fragile balance has been maintained by some African and Muslim countries where people are having multiple marriages.

In my opinion we need to reconsider our approach towards polygyne or multiple marriages for men, if we want our societies to be chaste and without moral decays. We have to stop raising our fingers to a person who is having more than one wives. We need to bring in a culture where we need to allow polygyne with a broad forehead. Parents of marriageable daughters generally go through the dilemma of searching marriageable bachelor for their daughters. I guess we have to reconcile with the idea that a man who can support two or more wives can also be added into the list of eligible grooms. Being Muslims it is not a sin to marry more women, however, men need to be very meticulous about equality among all their wives.

In the end I need to add that today a wife will accept her hubby to have illicit relations with another woman (of course she doesn’t want to know it) but she doesn’t want to accept another woman to be her hubby’s lawfully wedded wife along her side. I guess we need to change our attitudes.